The 5 Worst Things a Teacher Can Say to Students

It is much easier to destroy than to build. Teachers work with young people, and they are fragile works-in-progress. A rash or unfeeling word can undo so much of the trust and growth that we strive for. 

As the year winds down and spring fever kicks in, some of us may be feeling weary. Yet no matter what happens, there are some words so destructive that they should never be uttered by a teacher. 

5. “I know this may seem pointless but we have to get through it…” 

I said this a few times early in my career, always related to standardized test prep. It isn’t psychologically devastating (see #1 and #2 for that), but it helps no one. If you’re forced to follow a less-than-stimulating curriculum, dress it up and sell it however you can in front of the kids. Apologizing for it doesn’t help anyone learn or grow; it only weakens you. 

4. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Many of us feel like frauds at times. We take on enormous responsibility for many young people, and it’s often a Herculean task just to keep things from collapsing. But you can’t say it to kids. They see you as a responsible, professional grown-up, whether you feel like one or not. Honesty is a virtue, but as a teacher, your top priority is building a safe and trustful environment for student learning. Showing your hand as confused or hapless undermines your ability to do that. Kids will remember that you’re the teacher who said that, and it will haunt you. 

Saying "I don't know," in the classroom can be great. Certainly, there are plenty of times when teachers don't know something and those moments can invite shared discovery with the students. Modeling curiosity is really important.

"I don't know what I'm doing," is a different thing. Students hear it as admitting underpreparedness or a frazzled state of mind. It's not something I want to hear the president say; it's not something I want to hear my daughter's teacher say.

3. “The other class did well with this. What’s wrong with you guys?”

People don’t like to be negatively compared to other people. Instead of “the other class,” insert anything: your brother, your cousin, my child…

It gets taken as an insult, not a motivator. Teachers should aim to make the students in front of them feel like— while they are together— they are the most important people in that teacher’s world. When the bell rings and people go their separate ways, things may change, but students don’t like to hear teachers praising absent students at their own expense.

2. “You will never be able to (fill in the blank).”

Whether or not you think this is true, you can’t say it. Actually, you don’t really know if that student will never be able to become a crime scene investigator, pass the AP Calculus exam, or read Ulysses. By making the comment, though, you are actively working against their achievement.

1. THE ABSOLUTE WORST AND MOST FREQUENTLY REMEMBERED WOUNDING, TRUST-SHATTERING WORDS:

“I get paid whether you (fill in the blank) or not.”

Always spoken in moments of frustration, these words are fatal. Whether intended or not, students hear it as “I don’t care about you.” There is no more damaging message a teacher can send.

 What other third-rail words should never be said in a classroom?

This post was updated April 17, 2012. Follow Dan Brown on Twitter: @danbrownteacher.

Comments

[Delonna Halliday]

I think one of the most frustrating statements is, "Try harder." The poor kid is already "trying harder" and has come to you, his teacher, for help. I prefer, "Keep trying." That leaves the door open for the student to keep working their own brains and they feel you recognize their effort thus far.

[Claudia Swisher]

"I taught it -- not my problem that you didn't learn it."

[Avery]

I like the idea of thinking about this kind of list and completely agree with #1-3, but I also see some subtleties to #4 and #5. With the first, saying that you don't know what you're doing all the time is going to make your kids nervous, but being open with your kids that you don't know everything and you're comfortable saying "I don't know" leads to a more flexible classroom where you don't need to know exactly where things are going at all times. Saying "I dont know" as a teacher also modles a learning environment where it's ok to ask questions. As for #5, instead of saying "this is pointless" because it's just test prep, I'd just say the point is to prep for the standardized test.

[Michael Doyle]

Regarding #5: You're going to sell a morally bankrupt system to kids?

And it does help--it shows that a teacher recognizes compromises. Not saying compromise is a good idea, but it's a whole lot better than feigning total capitulation.

[Cathy Koos]

"This is easy.". If the student gets it quickly, there is nothing to be proud of because it was "easy", but if they don't get it quickly, then they think they are stupid. I never tell my students this topic is easy.

[Michelle]

"I am too busy for this!" No student should ever suspect that there is anything more important than teaching, or you should find a new profession. Suspension of disbelief is as much the teacher's job as it is an actor's job--maybe more.

[Thuan]

I don't agree with number four. It's not about being honest. It's about presenting an illusion that teachers know everything which isn't true at all. In reality there is no person knows everything. Children need to see that. And then they need to know that when you don't know something you find a way to solve it. They need to know that it's okay not to know something and admit it. We don't need children to grow into adults who can't admit that they don't know something. Otherwise you just have adults who pretend to know something just to save face.

[Christina]

I appreciate the list, but don't agree with #4 either - I think it's useful to make the "I don't know, and here's what I'm doing to figure it out with you" process transparent. They usually know when we don't know, and it feels deceitful to pretend otherwise.

[Rachel Blum-Jose]

"Because I said so."

If a student feels the need to (respectfully) challenge a request, or is curious about my choice to do something, I feel that I should give that child a thoughtful response. Some teachers have commented to me, "You don't owe them an explanation! It's because you're the teacher that they are doing what you say." I disagree. It is in my nature to give an explanation, whether to clear up confusion or to facilitate a conversation about the topic. It makes the kids think more.
P.S. Hi Dan :)

[Martin Jowett]

Positive reinforcement is fine; providing it reflects effort on behalf of the student. In the real world there are often no points for second best, sports coaches don't praise their team for losing. The pain of failure should be used to encourage further development to do ' better next time' if there is one. Sugar coating poor achievement relative to potential creates a false impression of the world beyond education.

[Twhitford]

All of those comments just make me shudder. Many teachers have such a struggle with the apparent lack of respect that is often shown in schools. Not sure where kids learn it (or maybe I am just avoiding the blame game) but I think we need to recognize that it won't help to get in a power struggle with them at the time. It just shows our lack of control as well. After all, don't kids learn best from modeling?

[FredEnde]

While I see the rationale of 1, 2, 3, and 5, I think the inclusion of 4 is short-sighted. In science, for example, the admission of "I don't know," is something we try to get our teachers to say regularly and often. Why? Simply because we want our students to become intrigued investigators, and build the foundation to become scientifically literate members of society who don't take the word of an "authority figure" as sacrosanct. Not knowing, and being confused as to a result of an experiment, are actually realistic responses for teachers to exhibit. The other option, pretending one knows, does much more damage than face-saving. While we expect all educators to know how to build their craft effectively, we should never want them to strike "I don't know" from their verbal repertoire.

[K Thompson, former board member IDA-UMB]

Here's one that will make you shudder...a wounding comment by a reading specialist to a struggling second grade reader, "You just need to pick up the pace." The mother pulled the child from the daily pullouts in favor of outside tutoring, and a few weeks later the child was diagnosed with severe dyslexia/profound APD. She couldn't read a word on the page. Today, she is a highly successful HS student who continues to tutor weekly using scientifically-based reading instruction.

The comment haunts this student to this day - eight years later.

[pat Bennett-Forman]

Some people seem to miss the point of #4. While it is certainly appropriate to admit to students that you "don't know all the answers" and "will work with them to figure it out," it is NOT OK to not have a clue about what you are DOING. I agree with that author, such statements indicate you are unprepared and don't care enough to figure it out or get help from someone who does know what they are doing.

[Meghann]

I agree with Pat, above - while admitting to not knowing everything and modeling good problem-solving are wonderful, saying "I have no clue what I'm doing" is hugely problematic. I'd add that in addition to conveying that you're unprepared and don't care, it also implies that the content you're teaching isn't worth knowing - after all, if you're the TEACHER and you don't even know it...

I'm a math teacher and shudder when I see teachers tell kids "eh, this isn't all that important" when the truth is they just don't know their content area very well.

[Krista]

Ditto! Dear colleagues, please read the post carefully. Thanks for being imperfect people who love kids! Serve well!

[Diane Main]

This is a great post, and I like the thinking it has gotten started. I don't completely agree with #4 or #1 in their wording and tone.

I have said both of these things, not in frustration or weariness, but in tenderness, to my students. In the case of #4, I have said to them, "I don't know everything, and that's okay. You won't always know everything either. But together, we can figure out ways to find out what we don't know. And there are some things you don't have to walk around just knowing, because you can look them up."

As for #1, I have told my students the following:
"I care about your success. I want you to do well. But I can't MAKE you do anything you don't want to do, and I can't MAKE you learn something you don't want to learn. No matter what your grades, no matter how you do in school, the number on my paycheck does not change. So I don't work extra hard or encourage you for bonus pay. I am here to help you succeed, and I will do what I can, but I can't do it for you."

Just thought I'd share. It really depends on the situation. What's most important is that we never communicate to our students that we don't care about our work or about them.

[Kevin H]

I'm not the sage on the stage, I'm the guide by your side. I think especially middle school and older kids need to hear this. They need to understand realistically that you're there to protect them from harm, you're responsible to make every effort to create a conducive learning environment and to guide - but you're not the sage on the stage - you not only don't know everything - the beauty of individuality and teamwork is that each of has expertise to bring to the table. Back when I was in school it was all about the individual - we've proven that in other cultures working together is the most important life and workplace skill we can teach kids - and i tend to agree.

[Bill Horniak]

To call a kid a liar or tell them to shut up is suicide in building any type of relationship with an individual student or class collectively!

[Jaime Concha]

I will add one more thing, we as teachers, can't say to students, and to ourselves:
"These children know nothing and have no basic skills ..."
Whose the responsabile for this?
The previous teacher? The school? The Principal? Maybe me?
Jaime, teacher in Santiago of CHILE

[Cath Menzler]

A teacher who tells a class that they do not what they are doing, or that they themselves didn't do well at this topic at school, will never truly restore a useful relationship with that class. To come to a class so ill prepared and then tell the students that is unprofessional. If a question is asked during class that catches the teacher out of their depth, this is a great teaching moment. A thoughtful article Dan and thank you to the teachers who understood the intention of #4 and respectfully shared.

[Cartery Signet]

Read #4 again if you think you disagree. Several have commented a disagreement and then proceed to say the exact same thing about "I don't know" as opposed to "I don't know what I am doing." YEEESH!!

[MSteacher]

"I don't want to call you a liar...but I just can't think of any other way to end this sentence."

"It's OK. Every train needs a caboose."

"How can you bring up your score on transitional phrases? First, build a time machine. Then go back in time to the night before this was due. Finally, put down the Playstation controller and do the assignment so you can turn it in complete."

[JSauber]

Really, any statement said with sarcasm can wound a student and wreck relationships. On the other hand, humor (not sarcastic comments) and letting kids know you care about them as a person, can work magic.

[Michele]

The very worst thing a teacher can do is be so concerned about saying the wrong word or phrase that he or she is always walking on eggshells, completely shuts down and resists bonding with students. If your students know and trust you, and you care for them, then everyone is trying to build each other up, not tear each other down.

Some of my son's best, most caring teachers have also hurt his feelings at times, and apologized when appropriate, just as I have as his mother. They were trying to find that balance between pushing him to do his best, keeping expectations high, and not pushing too hard and went a little far on the wrong day. Realizing we are all on the same team, I would never try to take one phrase out of context. I would much, much prefer a teacher my son sees as a caring human being, than a cold machine, or a teacher too scared of parents to push when he needs a push.

Knowing and respecting your students and building trust are two of the most important attributes of a teacher. If those things are the foundation, most everything else falls into place.