If Not a Village, At Least an Elder

Some of the best and brightest students I have ever taught had parents who were not just dysfunctional; they were dangerous. Conversely, some of the lowest performing students I have seen had parents who were passionately interested in their education. 

Larry was one of the most naturally intelligent and engaging youngsters I have ever taught. He was also terror in the hallways at our high school. He loved to write, absorbed books by the dozens, and generated questions at light speed. Parental involvement? Larry’s mother deliberately put rat poison in his food,"To teach him a lesson because he was eatin’ too much food from the other children."

Cinque, another amazing young African American student, had earned one of the highest scores ever at our school on the ACT. Halfway into his senior year, we learned that his mother had packed up his youngest siblings and left him and a younger brother to fend for themselves. They lived in a dilapidated trailer in an extremely rural area. Cinque had been paying the bills and maintaining the home for two months before anyone found out they were living alone.

Tonisha finished high school in the top 10 of her class, with scholarship offers from several major colleges. Her freshman year, her mother and stepfather slipped off one night and moved out-of-state leaving Tonisha and her two brothers asleep at an aunt’s house. Tonisha slept on a cot in the kitchen for the next three years, and stayed awake most nights to fend off her drug-addict uncle. 

The list goes on and on.

Still, all students need support. They need and deserve teachers who are genuinely concerned about them, their lives, and their academic progress. Students also need other adults around to encourage them and to push (or pull) them through the rough places.

I grew up with an incredible and extended network of supportive adults. In fact, I cannot remember any adult ever using the word if when discussing my future; it was always, when you finish college…when you become a professional. It distressed me that so many of my students would not have that kind of wonderful nurturing and encouragement.

One technique I developed to help give all my students the opportunity to experience that kind of support was a classroom mentoring program. At the beginning of the school year, I required each student to choose a significant adult to be his/her mentor for our English class for the entire year.  This could be the parent(s), but it did not have to be. The primary requirements were that the person be:  a) an adult over 21 years of age;  b) someone the student respected highly;  c) someone who really cared whether the student finished high school. One of the first writing assignments of the school year was to draft a personal letter to that person asking him/her to be a mentor.   

Over the several years I used that process, the results were always overwhelmingly positive.  Grandparents, pastors, coaches, Scout leaders, Head Start teachers, all came to serve as stand-in parents. There were always a couple of students who could not think of any adult they believed would be their mentor. For them, I always had a set of colleagues and community volunteers on call.  I communicated regularly with the mentors about student progress, and at the end of the year, we would hold an event for the students. I did not give up on communicating and trying to work with the parents as well, but having that additional adult was beneficial in so many ways.  Some of the working parents were especially grateful that there was another adult who could help their son or daughter, or come to school events. 

Many things can hinder effective parental involvement; not the least of which is the unwelcoming attitudes of educators or the limits we put on when and how we want parental input. The best teachers cultivate strong ties with parents and communities. I would love to hear from some of you, teachers and parents, who have had positive home-school relationships on how that was done. 

Comments

[JohnNorton]

I recently visited a high-poverty school with a lot of productive parent involvement. Their strategy is to make the opportunities for parents to get involved really meaningful. There are joint workshops with students and their significant adults to learn about technology and the Internet. There are night sessions on everything from earning a GED to learning more about community history. As the school builds these relationships with parents, communication flows more easily, even when the communication is about negative behavior.

[Nancy Flanagan]

Another thing good, thoughtful teachers can do is "just say no" to lounge talk about parents and how uncaring or uninformed or just plain stupid they are.

A few years ago, there was a widely circulated list of "cute" things parents supposedly wrote as absence excuses. ("Please excuse Tonya, she was in bed with gramps"--that kind of thing). It was posted in the teachers' lounge in my school. A custodian stopped in one day to get a cup of coffee, and stood reading it while sipping.

"So this is what you guys think of parents?" he said.
I was embarrassed and took the list down after he left. How many times do we mindlessly repeat generalizations about parents?